Devon &Epic Win.

Driving in the car while my friend’s neighbor steals from her. Why do we keep stopping? I keep wishing you’d just stop the car and sit in the backseat with me. But you keep making jokes I don’t understand. Please let me go back to sleep. It’s so warm and I can’t stay awake much longer.

I think we were walking from a football game. Or something. And a party in a restaurant with video games. We were with some other person I don’t recognize. You handed me a flask and I refused, but still I felt included. I don’t even really know you.

The answers I found in the dark didn’t help. We tried speaking but ended only in passing poetry through clumsy accidents. You tried so hard to impress me, I just couldn’t get it. You’d match me in an obvious sort of way, and it’s easy to see how much I’d adore you. You’re an odd character to come up, as it seems I don’t dream up people like you. It’s not in my nature.

It took way too much for you to wake up. It took way too much for you to care. It took way too much for you to realize anything. And a year from now, you will be right back where you started. And that makes me sick.

So excited! The video was badass, comic-book and completely 100% My Chem. I’m pumped for this album, because I think it will be exactly what is needed for the fans who are still around. They’ve said that it’s the album to divide fans, and I think after Parade, it’s definitely needed.

So the plan today is to make Killjoys costumes (because Liv and I are so totally pumped because of the video) and have some really sweet pictures. Look out for them, we’re pretty excited. Let the new era begin!

I will not take you as the last time, not the first, not the only not the many. This will not be me defeated or victorious. But his will be the very last time I will let it get to me. It will be the last time I let the lies happen. It will be the last time I will let myself trust. I have no glory, but you have all the shame. So who really wins? Not me. Not at all.

I knew it. I knew it, knew it, knew it.

Yeah, well, don’t come near me

I’ve got friends in lower places

Struggling upwards

Taking in the view

Tearing up my eyes

With you in them

Don’t fuck with me

I knew it, I did.

Something worries me about this scene. I may be much less clear than I need be. But it’s my style. I want so much for you to know. But I never want to have to tell you in clear terms. I want you to try. I want to know it was worth your time.

I’ve never gone uncertain in this way.

It’s very strange, and it makes me wonder if there’s something I need to be doing.

But I guess you are the one who should be telling me that.

I’m feeling strange. Different. I’ve yet to see if that’s a good thing or not. I’m looking at people I’ve known for a long, long time in a new way. I feel disconnected and very out of place. I’m feeling like there’s little point in keeping up when all I need is to lag behind. What’s the point of all these options if I don’t plan on using them? What’s the point of all these fears if I don’t plans to conquer them? What’s the point of feeling lost when I really only want to be found again?

I guess I’ve just lost the meaning in so much lately.

This has absolutely nothing to do with me, but: tomorrow’s the 96th anniversary of the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand and the start of World War One. I know the date by heart. How sad. Haha.

SO ANYWAY. I’m leaving to go out to Vegas in two days. I’m just cleaning, packing, and messing around right now. I’m having a weird night, though. I feel like talking to people I don’t usually have much of any conversations with. But I don’t know. I’ll figure out what it is.

I should be packing. But a lot of my clothes are in the wash, so I can’t decide on what to take if I can’t look at what I have…

Anybody feel the need to get the fuck out? We could run and run and never get where we’re going, and still be better off there than here…

I’ve found my own weakness, and I know how it works. Now I need the boards and the nails, the barricade to keep you all out. I’ve romanticized my life into these very obvious words, and I know what it takes to throw them back at me. I’ve always been a bit ahead and a ton behind you, and all I want to do is run. I no longer want to wonder what happens. I want to know.

I’ve never thought of myself as very many things. But you did. I never thought of my life in terms of another. But you did. All I want is to be epic. And I think you know that.

You used to be so close, and yet so goddamn far. I wonder now what the hell I thought I was doing. You wouldn’t have once cared anyway. But I guess that’s why I have this longing for something new, so constant that it’s hardly shiny to me..

Almost out of school! About goddamn time. So, over the summer? Let’s get this tee thing I’ve been talking about for two years up and running, yeah? Liv and I can get some more songs written, go to some shows. Get some podcasts out there, start doing our thing again. This has to be the summer we get a lot of stuff off the ground, I have this odd feeling that if we don’t now, we won’t ever start.

I’m listening to The Format, which is basically Fun. (because Nate Ruess is singing) but less… I don’t know. Thought out, I s’pose. I love them regardless. It’s probably because I love Nate’s voice so much. (^_^)

But this summer, I’m thinking there will need to be parties. There will need to be events. Because while I loved last summer, I also would like to meet new people, and get to know ones I’ve met already. For saying I don’t like people, I really do like getting to know people. I’m actually a pretty social person, I just get angry easily. Anyway. That was a random little.. yeah. Haha.

Oh! And! I’m making mix CDs of random stuff from my iTunes tonight. Some people may be interested in getting in on the new music shtuff? Hit me up if you want a mix. It probably won’t be anything super special, but you may find a new song/band you like. :]